I know so many people in different family situations. Step families have become somewhat common as a result of death or divorce. These situations are much more complicated than a typical nuclear family. Thus ideally, people are able avoid these complications by making their first marriage work instead of divorcing. (an interesting study about marital satisfaction changing is found at http://www.americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html#Endnote2).
There are many challenges that come with a remarriage. People take much of the same emotional baggage and problems that was never resolved from their first marriage, it doesn’t necessarily end. The first marriage relationship doesn’t truly end if you have kids because you still have contact of some sorts for next 50 years. Parenting step children can be complicated because of divide feelings about loyalty to parents, calling someone dad/mom, or responding to discipline from someone that’s not their parent. Children may also be suffering from the loss of one gender role model gone and less available during daily life.
There are also opportunities with this new situation: it is not hopeless! I’ve notice that living the commandments of the gospel helps any family; forgiveness, patience, love, studying the scriptures, praying together, working and playing together will help any family regardless of situation. Sometimes the new spouse brings habits that are more healthy than old family behaviors. Its important that blended families have compassionate and reasonable expectations of each other and their kids. My parents and step parents always spoke respectfully to and about their former spouse to us kids, which I of course appreciated because then I never felt like I had to take sides or love one of my parents less. My teacher married a woman who was divorced with two kids when he was a young college student because he felt inspired to, and he said that first year was so hard. However, he believes because they made it through that and turned to each other instead of fearing and leaning away from each other, it has made the next 30 years of their relationship stronger. There have continued to be huge challenges, but they have learned how the Savior has been developing their characters and relationships as they’ve learned from and leaned on Him. Though my parents remarriage wasn’t easy in building a relationship with me at first, I am very grateful for the relationships that my step-parents have gently developed with me; I feel like they are accepting and truly love me; I consider them my “bonus” parents. I am profoundly grateful that our families are graced with deep respect for each other instead of the bitterness that is so common in blended family situations.
familycontemplations 